How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives By Zachary Auburn Paperback 045149492X 9780451494924 How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives The cats of America are under siege! Long gone are the good old days when a cat’s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our countrys defense by helping to prepare our nations cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple QA format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, “What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?” and “What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?” and especially “Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can’t he just play with yarn like cats used to do?”Our country—and our cats—stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats—and America—great again!

Pdf how to talk to your cat about gun safety training

Not devil inspired fantasy trash I could go on but why spread the hate One small counterpoint to this alleged Christian bullshit on evolution the Pope believes in evolution Even Pat Riley believes in evolution I wish people claimed their little faction of Christianity before spouting their craziness Makes me sympathized with your regular everyday Muslim just going to work and living a life where jihad is just a word in an old book they are fond of We all have that crazy cousin English How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety by Zachary Auburn is a parody title It skewers certain right wing ways of thinking about a variety of subjects. How to talk to your cat about gun safety epub pdf The book is a series of pamphlets from the fictional American Association of Patriots There are talks about gun safety.

How to talk to your cat about gun safety epub book

That doesn t mean they automatically know about gun safety Just imagine the negative images they get on TV Watching Tom and Jerry or Sylvester the Cat from Looney Tunes could give them the idea that guns are toys They Are Not Read this book and help them to understand the importance of gun safety But this book collects several pamphlets from The American Association of Patriots and you won t be disappointed with the info that can be gleaned from this book On talking to your cat about evolution The Bible states that God created each animal according to its kind This means that it is entirely possible for two cats to mate and produce a new kind of cat It is.

How to talk to your cat about gun safety book

The cats of America are under siege Long gone are the good old days when a cat s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath Modern cats must confront satanists online predators the possibility of needing to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland and countless other threats to their nine lives. How to talk to your cat about gun safety book pdf For over four decades the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country s defense by helping to prepare our nation s cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets Written in a simple QA format How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms and What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence and especially Why does my cat need to use the internet Can t he just play with yarn like cats used to do Our country and our cats stand at a precipice It will take courage and it will take hard work but armed with the knowledge within these pages we can make our cats and America great again How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety And Abstinence Drugs Satanism and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine LivesI gifted this to my parents who are uncomfortably far right Their reaction to the contents when they realized their politics were being criticized and mocked made this instantly 5 Stars I have a copy for myself too as a simple reminder of their reaction on Christmas morning If you too have conservative nay terrifyingly alt right parents and would like to get a hoot out of being called a liberal snowflake I HIGKY recommend English if there is one hard and fast rule on this topic it s this under no circumstances should you provide your cat with a gun equipped with a laser scope as your cat is likely to be interested in the dot it makes than in the deer burglar or communist in their sights i wanted to love this SO BADLY i saw the first part of this collection in zine form at quimby s in chicago but i was already buying too many books on that trip so i regretfully left without it when i saw this on netgalley i thought book angels DO exist and clicked it immediately i m not sure if all the chapters in this book were published individually but i found at least two of them available separately and maybe that s a better way to appreciate them instead of reading them all back to back like this because like dave foley BOY did it get old fast it s a collection of parodies of those ultra conservative pamphlets warning cat parents about the issues their cats will face in their day to day lives topics such as gun safety evolution abstinence online safety drugs puberty post apocalyptic survival and satanism the rhetoric is spot on Citizens who cannot handle a gun safely are as irresponsible and useless as citizens who do not own a gun at all Americans and their homes are under attack It is impurrative that in order to ensure the future security of our country every man woman child and cat be able to defend our nation against the enemies of democracy. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety training oh and that s another thing there will be puns so many italicized puns now becomes meow paws becomes pawse moment becomes meowment there s pawsitively catastrophe purrfect procatstinate prepawsterous or alternately purrposterous furget mewlitias purrtriot amewsing furocious purroblem purrpared mispurrception purrtect purrecipice furment furget purrvent mewraculous purrspective furminist etc etc etc etcit s truly punishing and yet they miss a few opportunities which is just as jarring to a reader as encountering all the italics in the first place you come across repercussions and you find yourself backwards copyediting it into repurrcussions and it really messes with your mind. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyrs and guns the book is structured as a Q and A covering all the important touchpoints Wait does that mean that I shouldn t allow my cat to use a gun while hunting No of course your cat should have access to all the weaponry our Founding Fathers risked their lives to guarantee us whether it be a simple Beretta 9mm or a fully automatic AK 47 However if your cat is going to use a firearm for hunting it is important to make sure that they are properly licensed that they do not fire the gun within five hundred feet of a residential neighborhood and that they understand the importance of wearing a highly visible orange hunting vest Further since cats are color blind it is advisable that you mark the vest in some way so your cat will be able to tell it apart from any other non orange vests they own of a similar cut. How to talk to your cat about gun safety book i enjoyed the first chapter which is the one about gun safety but the book taken as a whole was like being hammered over the head relentlessly by the same joke diminishing my enjoyment i even took a few days off in between chapters to reset myself once it became clear that it was going to be the same tone the same puns without nuance or deviation it s not terrible just a little samey and cat photos can redeem most books the evolution or rather evilution chapter was a little weak the presentation of the gun safety one was pretty spot on in terms of arguments actual gun enthusiasts use to make their points but this one was a little tinfoil hat in its delivery so it was less amewsing as parody see how contagious these puns are Most of the people you encounter who advocate for the lie of evolution are nothing than brainwashed sheep blindly parroting the lies spoon fed to them by Hollywood Jews and an unholy coalition comprised of elements from the United Nations European Union the Rothschild family and the Bilderberg group It is a cabal of some of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world They recognize no God but themselves They prefer birds or fish as pets and therefore hate cats. How to talk to your cat about gun safety book free They view America as their enemy They seek world domination and see our democratic union as a shining beacon of hope to those who might resist their tyranny It is they who would undermine the Christian faith that is the backbone of America who would weaken us with gun control legislation who promote the declawing of cats as acceptable and who would cull our numbers through Obamacare s mandates for forced abortions on white citizens. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety book this is like a transcript of a crazy subway preacher than a parody of conservative propaganda although i appreciate the warning about the deceitful tweets of birds captioned Above is a depiction of the inevitable nightmare that awaits our great nation should we fail to teach our cats about evolution and creationism. How to talk to your cat about gun safety epub online and there s some pretty convincing logic here Cats and FossilsEvolutionists try to claim that the fossil record proves how old something is and that the deeper we dig the basic life forms become They will tell your cat that because feline fossils are found in the upper layers of rock this means that they evolved only recently However there is a simple explanation for this that is completely compatible with both the story of creation and Noah s flood Cats hate to get wet so it stands to reason that when it started raining leading up to the flood cats sought to escape the rising waters They probably ran away to higher elevations and then to the tops of trees In this way simple life forms that can t run away like grass and protozoa would have been the first to drown and therefore be buried in the deepest layers while all the cats hiding in trees would have been some of the last animals to succumb to the floodwaters and become fossilized And if your kitty needs any further proof this explains why cats today have such an affinity for climbing trees the abstinence chapter is where it really started to go off the rails for me while it is mildly amusing to see pbs the Purrnographic Broadcasting Station nature specials featuring animals during mating season called out as smut and cautions such as Your cat may act distracted or sleepy or may even leave the room when you bring up the subject of sex It is common for cats to feign disinterest in an attempt to cut a conversation short or even to pretend that they are unable to understand English You must not give in to these tricks the rest of it the idea of cats saving themselves for marriage the image of cats taking the pill or wrestling opposable thumblessly with condom wrappers which proves of course that god doesn t want cats to use birth control the sins of spaying and neutering the dangers of cats wearing flashy collars inviting sexual attention just weren t working for me on a humor level although the idea of kitty hell being a fiery waste where they will be tormented by barking dogs bottomless squirt bottles and pieces of tape stuck to the pads of their feet was worth a giggle the internet one is pretty straightforward warnings against cybercriminals and identity theft online gaming driving while texting pornography cyberbullying by one of the evil traitorous birds who spy on America for their European overlords it s not particularly imaginative however there is one part worth calling out Why are so many cats posting pictures of themselves on the Internet Should I be worried about my cat doing this The phenomenon of cats taking pictures of themselves or selfurries has become one of the most popular activities for cats to engage in online To their owners such behavior may seem silly self indulgent or even vain But selfurries are not necessarily a bad thing Eating disorders and body dismorfurrya are at record levels largely due to our cats being exposed from kittenhood to unrealistic standards of cuteness in the media From the centerfolds in Cat Fancy to the stars of cat food commercials modern kittens are inundated with images of feline beauty that are almost impossible to achieve The taking and sharing of selfurries can act as a way for your cat to bolster their self esteem get support from their friends and foster a healthy cattitude about their appearance However this doesn t mean selfurries aren t without risk You should speak with your cat about exercising caution with regard to the pictures they take and with whom they share them Over 60 percent of kittens reported feeling pressure to take risque or even naked photos of themselves on at least one occasion Even if your cat trusts that the cat they re sending their selfurries to won t share them what about the cat s friends What if a bird swooped down and stole the cat s phone while they weren t looking There are countless Web sites on the Internet featuring cats whose innocent selfurries have been collected by sex perverts for their own titillation And once a picture has been shared on the Internet it cannot be removed The best rule of thumb is to teach your cat never to take a photo they wouldn t feel comfortable sharing with the whole world. EBook How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun safety-kleen onto drugs kitties just say no to catnip observe this horrifying before and after photograph here are some warning signs that your cat may be abusing catnip Does your cat act as if they can hear noises that aren t really there Are they running around the house for no reason Do they meow loudly at strange hours Does it seem as if they re sleeping a lot Are they being secretive or suspicious Are they frequently irritable or violent dude my cat must be SO HIGH but it s a real problem as we learn accidents involving intoxicated cats were the seventy eighth leading cause of motor vehicle fatality in 2013 skyrocketing up from eighty first in 2012. How to talk to your cat about gun safety pdf free the puberty segment covers bullying body changes masturbation sexting kitty porn video games homewsexuality etc where we learn thatGoing into heat is the cat version of getting a period essentially it s how God punishes girl cats for Eve s sin in the Garden of Eden Just like a human woman cats in heat will behave in erratic or irrational ways as their brain becomes addled with female hormones. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety training as far as masturbation goes Some cats excel and redirect their sexual energies toward Jesus and being good hardworking citizens whereas others fail and want nothing in life than to bat at their genitals as if they were a ball of yarn. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyman training and what would conservative propaganda be without a little lesson in tolerance If your cat tells you they re gay or even if you suspect they are it s important to let your cat know you love them no matter what even if Jesus won t because of their horrible sins. How to talk to your cat about gun safety epub free the last two chapters on post apocalyptic survival and satanism are pure crazytown and feel discordant from the previous topics the post apocalyptic survival one kind of addresses this disconnect Teaching my cat these skills seems like a waste of time Are we really in danger of witnessing the collapse of civilization Most undoubtedly yes History has reached a tipping point Our great nation has been gravely weakened from eight years under the reign of an Islamo socialist f hrer who seeks to poison us with chemtrails The global financial system teeters on the brink of ruin pushed to the edge by the greed of the Reptilian overlords of Europe Meanwhile the climate machines of the Illuminati operating out of a massive underground complex beneath the Denver airport have set our planet on course toward irrevocable ruin. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyover Don t be afraid to expose your cat to the worst the world has to offer including those agents of our enemies birds Educate your cat now about how horrible birds are otherwise later you risk birds teaching your cat a lesson of their own a lesson in murder. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety pdf and there s good practical advice to be extracted Instead of presenting your cat with a toy mouse to play with have your cat bat around the iodine tablets he ll use to purify tainted water Rather than having your kitten chase around a laser pointer teach her how to hotwire an abandoned car. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyover and finallysatanism basically satan is everywhere in every form of entertainment lurking around every corner worth noting Wicca is merely watered down Satanism luring foolish young women with liberal arts degrees into lesbian covens where they worship a goddess and their menses Overwhelmingly Wiccans are angry lonely feminist spinsters and therefore likely to own lots of cats cats they indoctrinate with their heathen propurrganda. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety and security here s another handy checklist of warning signs this time to determine if your cat has become involved in the occult Has your cat started keeping odd hours Perhaps they sleep all day and are awake all night If so watch out Nighttime is the Devil s time Have you noticed a recent change in your cat s eating habits Many kitties who have become ensnared in the occult will avoid foods they previously enjoyed and instead demand to be fed meat from animals killed by a silver knife in a moonless night Does your cat seem uninterested or actively reluctant to attend church Does your cat seem unusually angry Do they nip at your hand when you try to rub their belly squirm to get out of your arms when you hold them like a baby or seem resentful when you dress them in adorable outfits cats are also routinely possessed by demons but it s hard to pinpoint the presence of a supernatural invader At the end of the day all you can really do is look deep into your cat s eyes and ask yourself if the twinkle within is from the light of Jesus or the fires of Hell. Epub how to talk to your cat about gun safety book come to my blog English Instagram Twitter Facebook PinterestMy sister gave me this book as a present and it looked really cute I thought it was going to be like the Tea Consent video only with cats and guns But this wasn t that Apparently this is satire but if something becomes so satirical that people actually take it as face value is it even good satire There s a Reddit thread called r AteTheOnion dedicated to making fun of people who didn t realize The Onion was satire and fell for their gleeful parody articles but my parents and I were just having a discussion about how The Onion doesn t really work as well as it used to now that the news is just so insane Like I just did a quick search using some keywords and turned up ACTUAL ARTICLES with the following headlines Marjorie Taylor Greene Addresses Gazpacho Police Gaffe Makes The Mockery Worse And even recently Pregnant Texas woman says unborn baby should count as car passenger after receiving HOV ticket The United States s political system is literally like some sort of bizarro system of how political systems actually ought to work and for the past ten years our news is so bad that it sounds like satire. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyway HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT GUN SAFETY manages to channel the survivalist gun hoarding Alex Jones watching mentality of people who would actually probably try to train their pets to shoot weapons I didn t even think people like this existed outside of the internet until I was out running errands in the central valley and I saw a man wearing an oregone pyramid on top of a MAGA hat with an Info Wars shirt and what appeared to be a necrotic left toe And then I was like holy shit He was even holding his phone in one of those EMF protection bags I guess in case the CNN satellites that are definitely targeting him decide to count the number of hate crimes in his web history idk. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyquest Anyway my point is for a book that is allegedly satire it comes a little too close to the truth I read this and immediately was like Who is this for Because honestly it feels like the only people who will actually like this book are the people it s ostensibly making fun of and I m not sure how I feel about that It s like being so ironic about Rebecca Black that you end up buying tickets to all of her concerts and becoming webmaster of her largest fansite At that point are you still an ironic hater Or do you just stan Rebecca Black 1 star English Glitter covered hate is still hate I knew this was going to be conservative but I was not expecting raging racist red neck levels of red I ll hit you with just a few samples propaganda and scare tactics of the liberal Jew run media that Americans second guess the wisdom of having guns in their households scare tactics that undoubtedly serve their greater agenda to overthrow the rightful leadership of the United States and the subsequent imposition of a European based one world government Your cat needs not only to accept that God created the Earth and the United States of America they also need to understand the insidious nature of the lies Darwin spawned in an attempt to destroy our country who would cull our numbers through Obamacare s mandates for forced abortions on white citizens Just as legalizing homosexuality is a slippery slope that will inevitably lead to people wanting to marry children and horses legalizing marijuana can have only similarly disastrous repercussions Millions of cats have read and loved the Furry Purrter books about an orphaned kitten with magical powers Librarians and teachers have praised the book series for finally getting cats interested in reading but at what cost If young cats want to read about fantastic mewracles they should be turning to the Bible evolutions abstinence online safety drugs puberty postapocalyptic survival and of course satanism Each issues dire warnings and a seemingly endless use of cat puns for your amewsment sorry I couldn t resist There are also photoshopped pictures of cats holding guns or participating in satanic rituals. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyull Of course cats don t use guns but that makes them perfect substitutes for children I suppose The main problem with the book is that the material runs a little thin after a while and the parodies just aren t all that funny It might have been best as just the first pamphlet alone but that would have made for a very short book. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyx gun safe I received a review copy of this ebook from Crown Publishing Three Rivers Press and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook English

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives By Zachary Auburn

045149492X

9780451494924

English

144

Paperback

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety tips

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety book

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety and security

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety for cats

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety and safety

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety training

book how to talk to your cat about gun safety

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book pdf

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book review

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book free

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book summary

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book online

how to talk to your cat about gun safety book recommendations

pdf how to talk to your cat about gun safety tips

Don t be fooled This isn t funny This is important stuff Just because cats are natural hunters after all still a cat Evolutionists on the other hand take this many steps further They claim that most of our modern day animals evolved from monkeys that at some point in the past two monkeys mated and a kitten was the result These are the big evolutions our enemies claim created the world we see today Dinosaurs giving birth to bears sea urchins giving birth to penguins ducks giving birth to snakes and other ridiculous scenarios the very idea of which is an abomination to our Lord It also talks about the dangers of adopting from that hotbed of leftist propaganda the Humane Society a cat from there will likely try to corrupt your other cats with evolutionist lies On talking to your cat about puberty and homosexuality If your cat tells you they re gay or even if you just suspect they are it s important to let your cat know you love them no matter what even if Jesus won t because of their horrible sins On talking to your cat about on line dangers and purrnography isn t the only danger lurking there While the sheer volume of cats ensnared by games such as this one is a testament to how addictive online games can be the greatest danger is not the possibility of addiction or even the threat posed by the many sexual predators who use the games to meet unsuspecting kittens No the danger is that these games frequently have strong elements of fantasy and magic which are used to indoctrinate innocent cats to the teachings of Satanism We have seen reports that players in World of Warcat can cast spells summon demons and participate in virtual orgies with goat legged satyrs Let your cat play these games at their peril once your cat begins using magic to invoke foul abyssal beings online it is only a matter of time before they ll be doing the same in real life But there s also a whole pamphlet dedicated to Satanism This is a real danger to your feline friend s One important note One trendy religion that is rapidly gaining in popularity is the cult of Wicca In actuality Wicca is merely watered down Satanism luring foolish young women with liberal arts degrees into lesbian covens where they worship a goddess and their menses There are several other pamphlets contained in this one including talking to your cat about Abstinence and about Postapocalyptic Survival One great thing though is that this organization has printed several other pamphlets A review at the back reveals some other great publications outlining things that you really need to talk to your cat about Biblical LiteralismDivorceGamergateGeorgia O KeefeGlobal WarmingHippiesImmigrationMisceginationPost Modern ArchitectureSecret Minecraft Techniques Social Justice WarriorsStates Rights And that s just the tip of the iceberg So if you don t want your cat to turn into some kind of pinko liberal you need to read this book and GO TALK TO YOUR CAT Thanks to NetGalley and Crown Publishing for a copy in return for an honest review English Incredibly informative Auburn has written a masterpiece this book has been incredibly enlightening and has shown me how sinful my cat was he was clearly part of a Satanic cult who did not abstain enough and shot his gun to the sky not to the ground when warning the dogs I wish I had read this earlier as God has most likely sent him to hell for all his sins I recommend you get this ASAP to make sure your cat is not a sinful infidel English This should be a 3. Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety tips 5 after all several parts did have me literally laughing out loudbut toward the end the redundancy was a little painful Probably the best thing about this book was reading the goodreads reviews from people who could simply NOT grasp the concept that this was satire I m scratching my head wondering WHO the hell ARE these people Sodo yourself a favor and read those English This had me laughing the whole time English I realize that this book collection of pamphlets was supposed to be parody of of pro gun pro religion etc pamphlets that the zealots and right wingers usually push I understand that this was meant to be funny and I was really looking forward to it I mean how can you go wrong with the subject matter There is tons of stuff in here that could have been funny if it weren t written with such cruel and blatant bias. How to talk to your cat about gun safetyrs and guns I m usually the first one to make fun of groups like these and it surprised me that I found this book to be so sad and nearly cruel The pictures of the cats are somewhat cute but that didn t make up for the nearly non existent humor ARC supplied by publisher English .

, How to talk to your cat about gun safetyover i will most assuredly be speaking to maggie later about the devil inspired madness within her: Book how to talk to your cat about gun safety training which proves that cats do not know how to masturbate at all and should probably be given lessons in how to do it right because that just sounds painful. How to talk to your cat about gun safety book pdf again paranoid prepper in tone than a garden variety right wing rant, How to talk to your cat about gun safetyx gun safe although i do appreciate the continuation of the birds are evil theme because they re just awful, Epub how to talk to your cat about gun safety free download i m pretty sure i know what maggie s twinkle is all about and it does not bode well for me, How to talk to your cat about gun safetytools so there are some chuckles to be had here but i recommend reading this in chunks rather than in one sitting or it s all gonna blur into paste NOT oddly enough purrverts.it s food for thought